The worst thing about being unemployed is not talk shows. Although there are plenty of talk shows that should have been put out of their misery before ever having a single episode broadcasted, it's not fair to lump all of them into that bag. Oh sure, Jerry, Maury, Bill O'Reilly, and Glenn Beck are indeed a waste of good airtime in my humble opinion, but I always have the option not to watch and I don't. However, too much of Oprah, Dr. Phil, or The View is not necessarily healthy either. Who knew that Americans had so many issues?
The gainfully employed only hear about these issues in passing, maybe by the water cooler or in conversations with some friend of theirs that is able to watch television all day. They (the gainfully employed or, G.E's for short) quickly detach themselves emotionally from such conversations, dismissing them as things that don't matter and that will do nothing to improve their bottom line. The GE's know no one in real life afflicted by such issues, nor do they have time to waste even a passing thought on whether or not the Octomom is getting over on the system with all of her foolishness. But us unemployed folks do sometimes, and like any train wreck, it's often hard to look away. And why should we? We've got no deadlines, no place to be, and no calls to make. We get sucked in to the point where we almost look forward to the mindless dribble that is coming to us through the airwaves.
When I was employed, they could not hook me with the ol' “stay tuned” trick before going to commercial. You know the one.
“Find out what Paris Hilton was caught doing and with whom after this word from our sponsors.”
“Was the Octomom a stripper? Find out after the break.”
I would change the channel or turn it off and keep stepping, thinking nothing of these burning questions that I was being led to believe I had to know the answers to before I could go on. As I sit in front of the tube with remote in hand now, I might hang out for a minute. “Hmmm? Was she doing something strange for some change? Did she make so much money swinging around that pole that she decided she could afford 8 more kids? Or did those 8 kids make the pole a necessity?” You can see the circular logic that preys on an idle mind. As I ponder this “what if” for the ages, it occurs to me that this is how the guy that asked the question about the chicken and egg must've felt the day that he stumbled upon that mystery.
There are also the talk shows that expose you to ailments that you did not know existed. Unemployment really leaves you vulnerable to these.
“Are you short, tall, or sometimes uncertain about where your life is heading?”
Yeah, of course. Doesn't that just about cover all of us? So you stay tuned because you've just got to know if you are among the afflicted. If it wasn't enough that you've got the problem of suddenly having no income, they want to add another to your list so that you can join the 1 in 5000 Americans who cope with this condition each day; albeit, some better than others. Fret not. There is help available. You are not alone.
Inevitably, the topic of depression or apathy comes up. Naturally, as a person that has nowhere to be and has no money promised you for not having to be anywhere to do anything, your sense of purpose and self worth come into question at least a half dozen times per day. Watching these talk shows will have you wanting to jump off a bridge or join a self help group, when you should be out foraging for sustenance. One thing's for sure: no job ever found you. Turn the TV off and, in the words of Outkast and Goodie Mob, Get up, Get out and Get Something!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Worst thing about being Unemployed
Being unemployed ceases to be fun at precisely the point in time when you have no more money and no means by which to get any money anytime soon. (Not that it was ever "fun" in the first place, but prior to this event, it kind of feels like an unplanned vacation.) That however, is not nearly the worst part of being unemployed. It is indeed true that money does not buy happiness and this instance is no different. Sure, money can grease the skids a little for you in that never ending pursuit of said happiness, but in the grand scheme of things it is merely a means to that end and not the end itself. As I was sitting here staring at the wall, it occurred to me that I had been doing so for at least the last 20 minutes or more. I had been trying to figure out what was the worst thing about being amongst the ranks of the unemployed. What a positively constructive pursuit that is, right? After all, armed with that information I'll be able do what? No one is eagerly awaiting my thoughts on the matter. Coming to such a determination would not bring me fame, nor fortune. On the heels of this discovery, you would not find me embarking upon a speaking tour to enlighten the masses. No, there is but a single positive destination for this train of thought to move toward. That positive, my friends, is that I am moved to write.
Over the course of the next few essays (or ramblings), we'll explore what has turned out to be a seemingly never ending source of rumination.
Over the course of the next few essays (or ramblings), we'll explore what has turned out to be a seemingly never ending source of rumination.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Cry for Help
Hopefully, this won't get me fired, but it's an actual email that I sent to my boss (whom I've worked with at 2 previous companies and not only trust, but would run through a wall for) while, indeed, in the Lion's Den. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Hi "Boss",
I decided to send this message on your personal email
just because I don't intend to start any trouble and
feel that I can be much more candid here.
On the ride back to the hotel last night, through the
extraordinary Bogota traffic (if I weren't in a taxi,
and actually had to drive through this stuff myself, I
might not EVER complain about traffic on 880 ever
again...but since I am in a taxi...), I had a
revelation as to why we our challenges are so
plentiful in the face of prime time performances.
Rather than spell this out in a very verbose
manifesto, I think I've effectively reduced it to a
single concise statement.
Our culture of engineering is sorely in need of a
paradigm shift. Ideally, that shift would be sharply
toward a Dell Computer culture and away from our
IBM/Soviet Union attitude of "we designed it that way
BECAUSE, and you'll LIKE IT" , if I may appeal to your
"Fox News" sensibilities. (Okay, sorry...that's two
statements.). From top to bottom we are engineers and
as a result we often lack the ability to think like
normal people.
We have an amazing product offering, and it is created
by a group of amazingly talented and brilliant minds.
However, where we fall short in bringing this
brilliance to the public is in our ability to
translate said brilliance into something that benefits
our customers. We talk a great game in the office. We
even put on a nice show at the Shows. Where we fall
woefully short (and that woefully could probably use
several more o's...) is in our ability to state what
it is we are doing behind our smoke and mirrors.
It is one thing when the customer needs to be educated
on something since they don't work with it and aren't
there for the creative process. It is the job of
people like me to ease that transition for them. It is
entirely something else, however, for our own people
to not have a clear understanding of what is going on
because engineers do not communicate. I daresay that
engineers are not even logical.
I know what you're thinking. They MUST be logical by
the very nature of their ability to create complex
algorithms that make complex operations possible.
Well, the logic that they lack is the fact that their
"voodoo" is inherently understood by all. Their
"voodoo", in their minds, moves in mysterious ways
from person to person, perhaps by osmosis. They have
no use for thinking about these mysterious ways, they
just think that they happen, just because, and rest
easy at night with that knowledge. In actuality, this
"voodoo" MUST be clearly documented in explicit detail
to every other person that resides outside the area
between their two ears, including their peers (i.e.
the other engineers that develop adjacent products
that might even sit in adjacent cubes or share
adjacent lab benches).
I might even go further and suggest that engineers are
like politicians, in that you never get the absolute
completely factual testimony until pressed in a grand
jury testimony type fashion. For example:
Me: Does gui6 work?
Engineers: Absolutely! I've got it working in my
office...and i've had it working at the show.
There is no mention of important facts like specific
platforms, software versions. Everything is assumed to
be the same when we know that rarely to be the case.It
is not until after the pain is experienced and better
questions are asked, that more specific, more useful
information is given, albeit begrudgingly.(In fact, it
gets even worse. "Pablo" shared with me last night that
the s/w version for the amino130 is a not for public
version given by amino when they took his box from the
London show back to their lab and returned it to him
later, after he and Tariq so vehemently complained
about how bad the stb was. This version is much higher
than the one available to the public that I've got
"The Big Boss" (ceo/lead braintrust/superbrilliant guy) trying to hunt down right this minute. Of
course, there was no mention of this detail, just
"your amino 130 should work...mine does.")
Another example:
Me: Is there anything special about configuring video
content in gui6 to make it as easy to use as gui3 (and
saying that gui3 is easy to use is indeed a
stretch...more familiar maybe, but easier, not
hardly...)
Engineers: "Make sure that your database is upgraded
before with the right tables and also populated with
the right data,..." and "There is an additional step
with GUI6 to play VoD, is the movies categories."
Notice, there is no mention of what the "right tables"
are or how to configure them. There is no mention of
an extra non-"mycompany" tool that needs to be
downloaded, nor instructions on how to use said tool
in order to do the configuration. And don't forget
that the "additional step" was never previously
mentioned to anybody in any written form and probably
not verbally either. Keep in mind that if I don't know
about the step or the tool, that the customer
definitely does not know about it. It was just
assumed. Osmosis...
I could go on and on with these types of examples from
within the office and while on trips, as I know "Rodney" (a peer with the same position as me)
can (he and i shared frustrations all day yesterday)
and as I suspect "Pablo" (also a peer with the same position as me) does at times too (although
being such a seasoned vet, he dabbles on the dark side
and is prone to forget to mention a step initially as
well), but it would get repetitive. Maybe it's me.
Perhaps I should ask better questions. But should I
have to? Should we have to waste taxpayer money and
elected officials time and resources to find out if
Slick Willy had some extracurricular activity in the
Oval Office or if baseball players were being enhanced
by substances? You're right! We shouldn't, just like
we shouldn't have to be up against the wall of a
headend with guns pointed at us as frustrated
customers demand that we make it work or they'll throw
us out in the street with our gear(after they shoot
us). (Colombia is not that bad, really..i'm just
exercising my flair for the dramatic. I actually like
the place. It's alot like Washington, D.C. )
So, back to our paradigm shift. In a perfect world, we
could all get together for our Monday pow-wows, do a
litle venting, and pledge to work together much more
effectively and efficiently by doing logical things
like documenting and sharing information with one
another. That's probably not terribly realistic
though. It probably won't be realistic until we get
hit where it hurts. Your efforts will indeed start to
go in vain if we don't start to solve these issues
"inmediatamente!" because the Felipes and Gobrogges of
the world will get frustrated and have to move on
because time is money. If your efforts are in vain,
then ultimately we all lose because you're the "bring
home the bacon" guy (and I both need and like this
job, above comments notwithstanding). From the top
down, we either need to get a more logical, customer
focus from within(think Dell with its "we'll build it
your way", Apple with its "we'll make it easier and
prettier than PC" and even Burger King with the "have
it your way" that is always near and dear to our
hearts) or perhaps install another layer that will
champion the efforts of the company and needs of its
customers and no longer allow ourselves to be led only
by the whims of very talented engineers. That layer
can be at the top, or below the top, as long as the
top buys in.
Well, that's probably quite enough from me. I'm still
sittin' here like Daniel, seated firmly in the Lion's
Den. But I have faith that I (and "my company") will make
it out alive and prosper.
Thanks for listening.
Destah
P.S. Desculpa me (forgive me)...i never seem to be
able to avoid verbosity when I write :-)
Hi "Boss",
I decided to send this message on your personal email
just because I don't intend to start any trouble and
feel that I can be much more candid here.
On the ride back to the hotel last night, through the
extraordinary Bogota traffic (if I weren't in a taxi,
and actually had to drive through this stuff myself, I
might not EVER complain about traffic on 880 ever
again...but since I am in a taxi...), I had a
revelation as to why we our challenges are so
plentiful in the face of prime time performances.
Rather than spell this out in a very verbose
manifesto, I think I've effectively reduced it to a
single concise statement.
Our culture of engineering is sorely in need of a
paradigm shift. Ideally, that shift would be sharply
toward a Dell Computer culture and away from our
IBM/Soviet Union attitude of "we designed it that way
BECAUSE, and you'll LIKE IT" , if I may appeal to your
"Fox News" sensibilities. (Okay, sorry...that's two
statements.). From top to bottom we are engineers and
as a result we often lack the ability to think like
normal people.
We have an amazing product offering, and it is created
by a group of amazingly talented and brilliant minds.
However, where we fall short in bringing this
brilliance to the public is in our ability to
translate said brilliance into something that benefits
our customers. We talk a great game in the office. We
even put on a nice show at the Shows. Where we fall
woefully short (and that woefully could probably use
several more o's...) is in our ability to state what
it is we are doing behind our smoke and mirrors.
It is one thing when the customer needs to be educated
on something since they don't work with it and aren't
there for the creative process. It is the job of
people like me to ease that transition for them. It is
entirely something else, however, for our own people
to not have a clear understanding of what is going on
because engineers do not communicate. I daresay that
engineers are not even logical.
I know what you're thinking. They MUST be logical by
the very nature of their ability to create complex
algorithms that make complex operations possible.
Well, the logic that they lack is the fact that their
"voodoo" is inherently understood by all. Their
"voodoo", in their minds, moves in mysterious ways
from person to person, perhaps by osmosis. They have
no use for thinking about these mysterious ways, they
just think that they happen, just because, and rest
easy at night with that knowledge. In actuality, this
"voodoo" MUST be clearly documented in explicit detail
to every other person that resides outside the area
between their two ears, including their peers (i.e.
the other engineers that develop adjacent products
that might even sit in adjacent cubes or share
adjacent lab benches).
I might even go further and suggest that engineers are
like politicians, in that you never get the absolute
completely factual testimony until pressed in a grand
jury testimony type fashion. For example:
Me: Does gui6 work?
Engineers: Absolutely! I've got it working in my
office...and i've had it working at the show.
There is no mention of important facts like specific
platforms, software versions. Everything is assumed to
be the same when we know that rarely to be the case.It
is not until after the pain is experienced and better
questions are asked, that more specific, more useful
information is given, albeit begrudgingly.(In fact, it
gets even worse. "Pablo" shared with me last night that
the s/w version for the amino130 is a not for public
version given by amino when they took his box from the
London show back to their lab and returned it to him
later, after he and Tariq so vehemently complained
about how bad the stb was. This version is much higher
than the one available to the public that I've got
"The Big Boss" (ceo/lead braintrust/superbrilliant guy) trying to hunt down right this minute. Of
course, there was no mention of this detail, just
"your amino 130 should work...mine does.")
Another example:
Me: Is there anything special about configuring video
content in gui6 to make it as easy to use as gui3 (and
saying that gui3 is easy to use is indeed a
stretch...more familiar maybe, but easier, not
hardly...)
Engineers: "Make sure that your database is upgraded
before with the right tables and also populated with
the right data,..." and "There is an additional step
with GUI6 to play VoD, is the movies categories."
Notice, there is no mention of what the "right tables"
are or how to configure them. There is no mention of
an extra non-"mycompany" tool that needs to be
downloaded, nor instructions on how to use said tool
in order to do the configuration. And don't forget
that the "additional step" was never previously
mentioned to anybody in any written form and probably
not verbally either. Keep in mind that if I don't know
about the step or the tool, that the customer
definitely does not know about it. It was just
assumed. Osmosis...
I could go on and on with these types of examples from
within the office and while on trips, as I know "Rodney" (a peer with the same position as me)
can (he and i shared frustrations all day yesterday)
and as I suspect "Pablo" (also a peer with the same position as me) does at times too (although
being such a seasoned vet, he dabbles on the dark side
and is prone to forget to mention a step initially as
well), but it would get repetitive. Maybe it's me.
Perhaps I should ask better questions. But should I
have to? Should we have to waste taxpayer money and
elected officials time and resources to find out if
Slick Willy had some extracurricular activity in the
Oval Office or if baseball players were being enhanced
by substances? You're right! We shouldn't, just like
we shouldn't have to be up against the wall of a
headend with guns pointed at us as frustrated
customers demand that we make it work or they'll throw
us out in the street with our gear(after they shoot
us). (Colombia is not that bad, really..i'm just
exercising my flair for the dramatic. I actually like
the place. It's alot like Washington, D.C. )
So, back to our paradigm shift. In a perfect world, we
could all get together for our Monday pow-wows, do a
litle venting, and pledge to work together much more
effectively and efficiently by doing logical things
like documenting and sharing information with one
another. That's probably not terribly realistic
though. It probably won't be realistic until we get
hit where it hurts. Your efforts will indeed start to
go in vain if we don't start to solve these issues
"inmediatamente!" because the Felipes and Gobrogges of
the world will get frustrated and have to move on
because time is money. If your efforts are in vain,
then ultimately we all lose because you're the "bring
home the bacon" guy (and I both need and like this
job, above comments notwithstanding). From the top
down, we either need to get a more logical, customer
focus from within(think Dell with its "we'll build it
your way", Apple with its "we'll make it easier and
prettier than PC" and even Burger King with the "have
it your way" that is always near and dear to our
hearts) or perhaps install another layer that will
champion the efforts of the company and needs of its
customers and no longer allow ourselves to be led only
by the whims of very talented engineers. That layer
can be at the top, or below the top, as long as the
top buys in.
Well, that's probably quite enough from me. I'm still
sittin' here like Daniel, seated firmly in the Lion's
Den. But I have faith that I (and "my company") will make
it out alive and prosper.
Thanks for listening.
Destah
P.S. Desculpa me (forgive me)...i never seem to be
able to avoid verbosity when I write :-)
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Your emailing privileges have been revoked...
Okay...so I've been sharing with you all of the
interesting phone calls that I get throughout the
course of a day. I regret to report to you that the
"disease" has spread over to the email arena as well.
WARNING: What you are about to read is arguably the most random
account ever recorded in the annals of business
communication.
To place his note in the proper context
(although you'll doubt there is a context after
reading it) I will first allow you to read my note to
him. Truly a masterpiece in brevity...
Hi Everett,
I tried calling both of the numbers that you left in
your email, but neither voicemail picked up. To
expedite this process, I have attached
our non-disclosure agreement to this email for your
review. Please sign and fax back at your convenience.
Also, my contact information is listed below so please
do not hesitate to contact me with any questions or
concerns.
Regards,
Destah
And now, I present to you, in its entirety…randomness
personified.
Dear Destah -
Sorry for the phone problems - we have 4 buildings in
santa clara and 1
in sunnyvale - we were supposed to "go live" with a
new VOIP PBX on monday - it hasn't happened yet and
doesn't appear like it's going to happen this week, so
as a result all lines are ringing on their terminal
blocks with nothing
plugged in to signal us
Brace yourself. This, and the next sentence about the times , are probably the last pieces of relevant information in his email.
I will be at this number generally in the evenings
from 5PM until 9PM if you want to speak in person - it
has an old fashioned wall phone stuck on it with
the little bell ringer (Hey - sometimes technology
just gets in the way and
we long for those simple times when the phone rang,
you KNEW where it was, and it didn't require a -48VDC
loraine rectifier and battery array to run it.)
Whatever that is. I feel like I’m having a conversation with Marvin the Martian, with his Supersonic XL-14 Modulator.
That number is 408-261-2000 - evenings 5-9 pm best
time - once the VOIP PBX
is in you are supposed to be able to ring me on any
number based on your caller ID line number - once you
and I talk the PBX remembers who's callerID goes to
which engineer here and automatically puts them
through without an auto
attendant feature in between where you have to listen
to recordings and dial
extension numbers. Plus it dumps all the out of area
/ private telemarketers into voicemail to preserve our
free time.
Are you sure you don’t want to talk to the Telemarketers? You guys might be cut from the same cloth. On second thought, they might hang up on you.
As for your attachment - I will try to print it - we
use text mode email here running on hewlett-packard
servers using the HPUX operating system - so no
attachments ever show up - the major advantage is no
virusus ever show up
either. It also cuts all the spam crap and lets me
quickly get through my
email when i'm on my inmarsat phone on the back side
of the mountain without downloading everything to read
it (messages stay on the HP server and I can
just read the subject screen).
You don’t say. Mere mortals like me just wait until I return to the front side of the mountain before downloading.
Sometimes I can forward emails with attachments to
another system which is a microsoft PC based system
that handles inline attachments - if that works I'll
fax over your NDA.
Everett Basham
If this guy got me on the phone, I might not ever get
off. Can you imagine an actual face to face meeting? No thanks.
interesting phone calls that I get throughout the
course of a day. I regret to report to you that the
"disease" has spread over to the email arena as well.
WARNING: What you are about to read is arguably the most random
account ever recorded in the annals of business
communication.
To place his note in the proper context
(although you'll doubt there is a context after
reading it) I will first allow you to read my note to
him. Truly a masterpiece in brevity...
Hi Everett,
I tried calling both of the numbers that you left in
your email, but neither voicemail picked up. To
expedite this process, I have attached
our non-disclosure agreement to this email for your
review. Please sign and fax back at your convenience.
Also, my contact information is listed below so please
do not hesitate to contact me with any questions or
concerns.
Regards,
Destah
And now, I present to you, in its entirety…randomness
personified.
Dear Destah -
Sorry for the phone problems - we have 4 buildings in
santa clara and 1
in sunnyvale - we were supposed to "go live" with a
new VOIP PBX on monday - it hasn't happened yet and
doesn't appear like it's going to happen this week, so
as a result all lines are ringing on their terminal
blocks with nothing
plugged in to signal us
Brace yourself. This, and the next sentence about the times , are probably the last pieces of relevant information in his email.
I will be at this number generally in the evenings
from 5PM until 9PM if you want to speak in person - it
has an old fashioned wall phone stuck on it with
the little bell ringer (Hey - sometimes technology
just gets in the way and
we long for those simple times when the phone rang,
you KNEW where it was, and it didn't require a -48VDC
loraine rectifier and battery array to run it.)
Whatever that is. I feel like I’m having a conversation with Marvin the Martian, with his Supersonic XL-14 Modulator.
That number is 408-261-2000 - evenings 5-9 pm best
time - once the VOIP PBX
is in you are supposed to be able to ring me on any
number based on your caller ID line number - once you
and I talk the PBX remembers who's callerID goes to
which engineer here and automatically puts them
through without an auto
attendant feature in between where you have to listen
to recordings and dial
extension numbers. Plus it dumps all the out of area
/ private telemarketers into voicemail to preserve our
free time.
Are you sure you don’t want to talk to the Telemarketers? You guys might be cut from the same cloth. On second thought, they might hang up on you.
As for your attachment - I will try to print it - we
use text mode email here running on hewlett-packard
servers using the HPUX operating system - so no
attachments ever show up - the major advantage is no
virusus ever show up
either. It also cuts all the spam crap and lets me
quickly get through my
email when i'm on my inmarsat phone on the back side
of the mountain without downloading everything to read
it (messages stay on the HP server and I can
just read the subject screen).
You don’t say. Mere mortals like me just wait until I return to the front side of the mountain before downloading.
Sometimes I can forward emails with attachments to
another system which is a microsoft PC based system
that handles inline attachments - if that works I'll
fax over your NDA.
Everett Basham
If this guy got me on the phone, I might not ever get
off. Can you imagine an actual face to face meeting? No thanks.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
The Conference Call
I had an amusing conference call this morning. Yes, I’m being facetious. By their very definition, there is nothing amusing about a conference call. I loathe them actually. There’s always somebody that loves to talk to an audience of folks , just because he has an audience. Furthermore, they always drag on much longer than they should have because said blowhard just can’t wrap it up. If those conference services (we use Raindance) wanted to add a useful feature, they would add what I’ll coin as the Academy Award Feature. Chatterbox’s filibuster shows no signs of reaching its conclusion? Start the music…bring the MC out to make a joke about his diatribe.
My pre-occupation and fatigue got the better of me. Pre-occupation? Yeah, I’m bad enough in a meeting when we are all face to face. I have quite a “portfolio” of doodles, some worthy of tour to some of the world’s finest museums: The Van Gogh, The Prado, The Louvre…. Some of them are as random as the day is long, related not at all to whatever is being discussed in the meeting. Some even contain caricatures of the principals in the meeting. But, I digress. On a conference call, I might be surfing the web, instant messaging, writing a blog....
I totally wasn't paying attention and twice, it was my
turn to speak and there was a long silence before I
chimed in. Another time my boss said, "right, Destah?"
and I said "RIGHT!" without having heard what he said.
I made a quick save and gathered a couple action items
at the end of the call. I took the lead and did the
summation before we all got off the phone. I then made
a beeline for one of the RF engineers
(oh..sorry...that's radio frequency) and asked my
question. For one shining moment, I had an Electrical
Engineering flashback as we began to discuss bandpass
filters and propagation and ..oh..nevermind..i know
its not interesting. I then returned to my desk and
quickly called back this customer to report back about
my findings.
My pre-occupation and fatigue got the better of me. Pre-occupation? Yeah, I’m bad enough in a meeting when we are all face to face. I have quite a “portfolio” of doodles, some worthy of tour to some of the world’s finest museums: The Van Gogh, The Prado, The Louvre…. Some of them are as random as the day is long, related not at all to whatever is being discussed in the meeting. Some even contain caricatures of the principals in the meeting. But, I digress. On a conference call, I might be surfing the web, instant messaging, writing a blog....
I totally wasn't paying attention and twice, it was my
turn to speak and there was a long silence before I
chimed in. Another time my boss said, "right, Destah?"
and I said "RIGHT!" without having heard what he said.
I made a quick save and gathered a couple action items
at the end of the call. I took the lead and did the
summation before we all got off the phone. I then made
a beeline for one of the RF engineers
(oh..sorry...that's radio frequency) and asked my
question. For one shining moment, I had an Electrical
Engineering flashback as we began to discuss bandpass
filters and propagation and ..oh..nevermind..i know
its not interesting. I then returned to my desk and
quickly called back this customer to report back about
my findings.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Techie Dan Rather
I'm on the phone with a guy that has the voice of Dan
Rather and the knowledge of your basic computer nerd.
While being very well versed in the technical arena,
his story-telling capabilities and the runs of his
soliloquys are very Rather-esque. He is one of those
guys that is answering his own questions. (Why did the
chicken cross the road? I'll tell you why...").When I
inhale to start to address his question (or whatever I
perceive to be the question), he starts talking again.
At the end of all this I say, "Yes! Exactly."
I keep getting lost and think he's giving me
information about Baghdad or Fallujah and then when
there's a silence, I know that it's my turn to talk.
I'm really not motivated to be here today. But at
least I'm finding humor in this...
He's from Philly, so I get him talking about
cheesesteaks and hoagies. He's giving me the
particulars on where you get the appropriate cold-cuts
to make the best hoagies. He even told me about a
"survival kit" service in which people in other places
can order express-mailed hoagies by phone.
The single most entertaining moment in the whole
conversation was this statement: "This has been great.
You've answered alot of questions for me..."
It was kinda like in "As Good as it Gets" when Jack
Nicholson stands up and leaves just as Greg Kinnear
starts to open up to him and says, "..this was
great...I'm glad we had this little talk..let's do it
again sometime..."
And then Mr. Rather got off on another one of his
rants and talked non-stop for another 6 minutes.
At the end of his rant, just when I thought that there
was no possible way that this could get any better, he
came outta left field with:
"Hey...do you have sinus trouble? I've got this
incredible medication for that. I found it on this
herbal remedies website..."
And that's your news for Friday evening, October
26, 2007. I'm Dan Rather, and this has been CBS World News,..TONIGHT
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Reference
This lady just called me as a reference for a guy that
I managed at a former company. I would imagine she was
an HR type that was supposed to check references so
that they could formally extend an offer and hire him. You know the type...knows enough buzzwords to stay in the conversation, but can't go into depth about much else if you deviate from the script.
Such experiences are never painful for me, especially
when I am talking about such an outstanding former
co-worker.
This one was painful. It was like giving dictation to
my 8-year old. She would ask me a question, and I would
answer, giving the appropriate detail for each
response. For example, she asked the following
question:
HER: Describe what his role with your organization
was?
ME: "Chris served as a Field Support Engineer as
well as a Telephone Support Engineer. If an issue
warranted his flying somewhere to fix it, we put him
on a plane and he resolved the issue..."
There was about 30 seconds of silence on the phone. I was wondering if she were still there, or if perhaps our call had dropped, since my Verizon service is so incredibly reliable. Finally she mumbled something to her self, but audibly enough for me to hear it.
HER:"...served......as........a......feeeeeeeeeeeld.....sup.....port....
...in.....gin......eeeeeer...as...well...as..."
I just knew at any time she was going to ask me, "How
do you spell FIELD? Is it F-i-e..."
I managed at a former company. I would imagine she was
an HR type that was supposed to check references so
that they could formally extend an offer and hire him. You know the type...knows enough buzzwords to stay in the conversation, but can't go into depth about much else if you deviate from the script.
Such experiences are never painful for me, especially
when I am talking about such an outstanding former
co-worker.
This one was painful. It was like giving dictation to
my 8-year old. She would ask me a question, and I would
answer, giving the appropriate detail for each
response. For example, she asked the following
question:
HER: Describe what his role with your organization
was?
ME: "Chris served as a Field Support Engineer as
well as a Telephone Support Engineer. If an issue
warranted his flying somewhere to fix it, we put him
on a plane and he resolved the issue..."
There was about 30 seconds of silence on the phone. I was wondering if she were still there, or if perhaps our call had dropped, since my Verizon service is so incredibly reliable. Finally she mumbled something to her self, but audibly enough for me to hear it.
HER:"...served......as........a......feeeeeeeeeeeld.....sup.....port....
...in.....gin......eeeeeer...as...well...as..."
I just knew at any time she was going to ask me, "How
do you spell FIELD? Is it F-i-e..."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)